I shouldn't be sitting here writing these words. This is not right. I still cannot understand why God takes the best ones away. It hurts so much that I don't know what to do. I can't help but wonder why I wasted so much time without you in my life. As much as I want to rewind time and change what happened, I can't. I don't know if writing this is the right thing to do, but I have so much I want to say to you and I think this is the only way how. The truth is, I can't find the right words to describe how completely destroyed I feel right now, but I can tell you how grateful I am to have had you in my life for all of this years.
You were one of my lifetime friends.
It started with sports, 3rd grade was it? Maybe even earlier than that. I will never forget how you were significantly better at sports than everyone else. It didn't matter what sport it was, you just had a natural gift. I was always so envious of you. Whenever I would come over to your house, we would always play 1 on 1 basketball. It's no surprise you always kicked my butt no matter how hard I tried. Oh middle school basketball.. I remember screaming Build Me Up Buttercup before every game, just because you loved that song. During the games, you always played your heart out. Even with an inevitable loss, you never gave up on your team. You were a natural born leader, believe it or not.
There was also softball, where it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to hit a home run every other game. The strange part was you made it look so effortless, like you knew exactly where to hit the ball and could do it every time. We would cheer from the bench "We want a big mac!" and you would respond with a cheesy smile, "Order up!" Don't worry I won't let you forget that. You were also the one person who convinced me to play high school softball my junior year. Even though I hadn't played in a few years, you were always there encouraging me. You took me to the fields before tryouts to help me practice and get more comfortable. You always believed in me and I can't believe I took it for granted. We always had so much fun in practice too. I remember I would always want to be your partner because I always had the most fun with you. During the stations, we never did what we were supposed to do and it was hilarious. I'm so glad I got to share this year with you after leading different lives in high school. You and I both know I regret so much about that, but I'm glad I had the chance to tell you.
Middle school volleyball. I know you LOVED these years. I remember you would serve a ball so hard it would hit the back wall, an impressive feat for a twelve year old. We may have lost the point, but you would jump back in and smile and no one could be mad at you. Regardless of what you say, you were incredible at this sport and I think you could have kept playing if you wanted to, but I think middle school may have ruined it for you (you know with the whole pieces of rope thing..what was that??)
Finally there was golf..ohhhh golf. You wanted me to join the team so badly. Sorry you never won that battle. I remember we went to Knight's Action Park so you could teach me how to swing a club correctly. I was so excited to finally learn the real technique of the sport. When we got to the driving range and I was about to try for the first time, your instructions consisted of: "Okay...now....hit the ball." I think I may have fallen over from laughter. It was such a Mackenzie way to describe something. You may not have been able to describe how to be a great athlete, but I guess that was just the beauty of your talent.
But my all time favorite thing about you was how much fun we would always have together. I will never forget sumo wrestling at 3 AM and playing catch in your kitchen with a pomegranate. We were so incredibly weird together and it was always the best time. We could sit on a couch with no entertainment, nothing to do, nothing to catch our attention, and still have so much fun together. I'm convinced you were the funniest person I have ever known. You always brightened up a room the minute you walked in. If anyone was down or upset, you would be the first person to cheer them up or make them laugh. I know you did that for me. I will never forget rapping the lyrics of Gold Digger together or gushing about the latest musical album. We could be nerds together and it was amazing. Junior year, Mr. Middlestadt's class, he absolutely hated us because we talked the entire class period every single day. I'm so lucky I got to spend that class with you senior year. You made me laugh out loud like a hyena in front of the entire class. When it came to writing papers, you were pretty hard on yourself. It was funny to me because you were also one of the most intelligent and well-spoken people I've known. I loved all of our conversations and you were constantly teaching me about the world around me. It's amazing how you approach the world with such an open mind and a critical eye at the same time. Your brilliance is clear, even in your blog. I read your first post, and I could hear your voice through the computer screen making me laugh. You are so funny Mackenzie, I know you will be making people laugh in heaven.
You were one of my forever friends. We could go days, weeks, months without seeing or speaking to each other and pick up right where we left off. After talking for hours, we would end conversations with "I fucking love you" because that was the only way to accurately describe our relationship. I can't believe I never told you enough. In just 3 weeks, we were going to explore the border of France and Spain together, sharing the duty of tour guide along the way. You recommended that we use some housing site where we sleep on couches of random strangers. It sounded crazy, but I loved it. I loved how adventurous you were and how you weren't afraid to try anything once. You always wanted to make the best out of every situation and I can't tell you how bad it hurts that we won't be able to share this trip together. I wanted more than anything to reunite with you and I can only imagine the craziness we could get ourselves into.
It hurts to know that I can't call you when I need you, and I need you a lot. Whenever I watch a good t.v. show (and maybe try to stream online), listen to obscure music, play a sport, laugh out loud, eat some amazing delicious food (especially sushi), ride in a jeep, read a good book, travel, dance awkwardly, stay up late, or think about the world, I will think of you.
I will miss how you make me laugh and smile.
I will miss how much you love and care for people with your whole heart.
I will miss your carefree spirit, always reminding me not to care what other people think.
I will miss your originality because you were so one of a kind.
I will miss your sincerity and loyalty to all of the people in your life.
I will miss your sense of humor and your ability to turn every situation into a great one.
I will always miss my best friend.
Until I see you again.. I fucking love you, Mack.